No, I haven’t gone anywhere.  I’m still here.  First few days of the week were kind of hectic and insane, so I didn’t have a chance to enter anything.  But here I am today!

So…blah.  Okay, Saturday, Griffen started with a high fever.  Uck.  Thought maybe he caught a bit of whatever cold Phoenix had (Phoenix gets colds when he’s cutting teeth, ya see?), so we watched him for the day.  Mo got spooked, so she went to the Emergency Care to make sure he was okay.  They couldn’t find anything, and said he may have a virus.  If it continued by Tuesday, take him to the doc’s.  Monday, I worked from home to take care of him.  Fine and dandy.  Other than a violent vurp at lunch, ate well, and was in the normal range for temperatures.  I went to play sand volleyball, and when I got back, I was greeted to a less than thrilled wife who said Griff’s temp was back up.  BOO.  Tuesday rolls around, I took a half day and took him to the Doctor’s office.  Once more, an ear inflection has plagued G.  Dang it. :(  But we gave him some antibiotics, and he seems to be doing okay now.  He’s at the babysitter’s today, so hopefully he’ll have a good day. 

So, back to sand volleyball.  Oh, my team.  I love my team.  I really do.  They all seem like decent folk.  And great volleyball players.  Yet, hardcourt or sand, we just can’t pull a win together.  We dropped three games in the sand, and it sucks.  I want us to win…we’re good, and we’re a good group of people, and we have fun.  We just can’t get over the hump.  Another team needed a guy, so I stepped in afterwards, and we won 4 straight games.  Of course, the team we played couldn’t get it going, either.  I don’t know if they’re bad or what, but I do know they’re recreational trying to move up to intermediate.  Still though, I am sure I dropped anywhere from 30-some to 40 points on them, from serving alone.  That did a decent job of boosting my confidence of serving.  Then, we had hardcourt volleyball last night.  We did it…  We went a whole FREAKING season of not being able to win one freaking match.  0-6.  That’s horrible.  I mean, we’re not THAT bad, and we have a decent team.  We should have easily been middle of the pack, if not upper tier.  It just didn’t jive with us, at all this season.  We couldn’t overcome errors.  I don’t *think* we can point to anyone, but maybe it’s just from where I stood?

Kinda comes to my title…”Affeared to fly”.  I know I’m not the greatest volleyball player.  I’m probably not even good.  I’d like to think that I’m average maybe.  Maybe I’m not that, who knows.  But I doubt myself.  I don’t have confidence in how I’m playing, and maybe that shows.  I’m just scared of being that guy, the guy on the team who’s the source for the failures and undoing.    I really don’t think I am, but I know I’m scared of being that guy.  One dude pointed it out, and I agree, that I overthink when I’m setting, so it probably shows in other aspects as well.   So, it’s evident that I check myself when I shouldn’t, and should just play balls to the wall.  I’m afraid of looking like a doofus so much, that, probably, I end up looking like a doofus.  How do I overcome?  Just let go?  Seems easy, doesn’t it?  I try…  We have another game Monday…  Dude…just let go.  Play, have fun.  Do what you have to…just let go and have fun.

More tomorrow…  Maybe.Hopefully.