Argh. A little bummed today. I live a very bipolar existence, I think. Today on Facebook, I mentioned that my brain was stuck in between a ‘Meh, fuck it’ and a ‘Time to make some magic’ mindset. Meaning, I was stuck not caring and wanting to be creative. Not cool, as it’s completely different sides of the spectrum. And routinely, it will bounce from some creative thought to go towards mental mud, just not caring and happy enough that I remember to breath. It’s very impulsive in the hits, and its frustrating.

It’s incredibly frustrating. I might have ADHD or something. This is something I always face. Doing comic books, stories, ideas, concepts, web sites, whatever it may be. Sometimes, I HATE being a dreamer. I really do. I come up with all these ideas, or help others with theirs (or, honestly, take someone elses’ and turn them into inspiration for mine), I can see them. I can see how they play out, but I can’t see how to get them to that point. I can build a whole world, but I can’t fill in the small details. I can develop an angle of thought, but by the time it comes to laying out the details, I’m either bored and move on, or can’t get the minute details right and abandon ship. Or if I miss something, I just avoid it completely, never getting it resolved. Why? Why am I like this? Laziness? True ADHD? I won’t kid you or I, I’m not a smart person, this I know. This could be part of the problem. I AM an imaginative person, I can think abstractly. I like to think that if I’m remotely humorous, that its because I think abstractly, quickly about things. I can usually roll with the punches. Doesn’t mean I’m smart, though. What does it take for me to fully think out a comic, implement it, and not get bored with it halfway through? How can I avoid half-assing things?

So where’s this coming from? I watched a demo video for an upcoming movie ‘What’s In The Box?’ And as soon as I finished it, my mind starting working on a story. And I got frustrated with myself. Terribly frustrated. I have no less than 5 comic stories I want to put on paper. I have 4 web site domains that are being ignored because I started and haven’t updated in months. I have projects at home that I have started but haven’t finished. All this shit. And it continues. Life inspires me, and my actions can’t keep up with my brain. I need clones. A handful of clones. Clones to do my work, to do my hobbies, to do my chores. But, since that’s not a viable option at the moment, what do I do now?

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