Yeah, that’s about how much I have today. So, what do you get to feast your eyes on today? My junk.

I didn’t really go into the procedure of the vasectomy on here yet, and although it’s a Friday, I really have nothing exciting to talk about.

It was something I had thought about for a long time. Even before Phoenix was born, it was tossed around. We knew one of us was going to get fixed, it just relied on what method of birth Phoenix was to make the decision. If Mo got another C Section, she was going to get fixed (while the hood’s open, ya know?), if she had normal birth, that would lead me to bite the bullet. Since it’s simpler to get process done than a full invasive surgery for Mo, it was the logical step. We had talked about it several times. I was extremely nervous about it, I didn’t really care to have folks messing around with my bits. Still though, it was the logical answer. So, a month+ ago, I went in for consultation on the process. The two doctors were nice, friendly and helpful during the consult.

Didn’t solve the problem of being nervous about it, though. I was repeatedly reminded it was the easier way to go and it wasn’t a big deal (both coming from my wife and mother-in-law… Not experts to the field, if you ask me…), so, I set the appointment. Doc told me that I was looking at a few days sitting on something cold to combat the swelling, so I waited for Call of Duty: Black Ops to come out so I could kill two birds with one stone. Last Friday was the day… how’d it go?

Firstly, I was awake through the whole process. My brother-in-law was completely knocked out when he had his done, the lucky duck. I’m weird about strangers touching me, even moreso touching my bits. So I had to deal with that neurosis from the get go. They prepped me while I was lying on the chair, and had a cut out that my bits poked out through for their work zone. It was a bit unnerving…remember neurosis? Yeah. So the two doctors (guys) went to work. They used local anasthesia to numb the spots, via needle. “You’re going to feel a prick and burning…” I hated that. The prick was a bit more than that, and the burning was just freaking weird. As there are two ‘bits’, this was a two step process. They were hitting the right side first. I could feel…oh, I haven’t mentioned… it usually takes a TON of anasthesia to get the desired effect, remember that for later… so I felt them digging around, grabbing, poking and proding. I couldn’t FULLY feel it, but I knew everything they were doing. I didn’t feel the incision, but could feel when they were inside. It was weird, when they pulled, I could feel it at the top of my stomach… eerie. When they’d clamp, I could barely feel it, and it was a numb pain. Still though 25 minutes later, it was complete and the right side was done…

They proceeded to attack the left side, and was going to numb me. The way it worked was they found the line (forgot what it was called), and numb the area surrounding to work. They stuck me, and the line slipped out of the guy’s hand. So, this meant he had to go rooting for it again, find it, hold it, stick the area again, and do the procedure. Got another free stick in the sack, it was great… so, they started to prep, and I could feel what they were doing. Not numbly feel, but actually feel. The anasthesia didn’t take hold. I grimaced and made remarks, but at first they thought it was in my head. That was until they started an incision. I tried to hold down my jump as much as possible, and still let them know I COULD FEEL MY NUTS BEING CUT ON. They asked, “Can you feel this?” “Yes, yes, I can feel that!!” Shots later, to the total of 6 or 7, they finally got it numbed enough to work on. I guess my body was in defense as it coiled up, and it was a bit of a struggle to get the line to even cut it. Tugging, pulling, and prying was involved. My stomach was telling me ‘Ow dammit!’ the whole time they worked. At least they got it to where I could just barely feel it. 25-30 minutes later, the process was complete. The doctor had to put my underwear on me (didn’t much like that…) and they packed it with cotton squares to soak up any blood. Meanwhile, I felt like I was donkey kicked square in the nuts, and then had them yanked out.  That much fun.

Friday I was sore. I couldn’t do anything. I did what I planned, sat in front of the Tv and did Call of Duty. Saturday came around, and I did much of the same, although guilt was starting to get the best of me, with Mo taking care of the boys. I tried to help, but don’t think I got anything accomplished. Fortunately for me, Mo was gone most of the day on Saturday with the boys to get some pictures taken. I had peace, but that night is when the guilt set in. It was worse on Sunday. Full swelling took effect and made walking painful. Still, I tried to help with the boys. I was able to get a little more done, but still not back to 100%.

Monday came around, and it was stuck in my head I was going to play volleyball. The swelling and pain was still there, but it was manageable. The doc said I should be alright to play as long as I don’t go nuts, so I was assured by that. I did just that… I restricted some of my movement and played. During the game, I forgot about the pain and swelling, and it felt nice to think about something other than that. It was close, but we won, and it was a pretty good match-up. As soon as I got in the car, the pain hit. I had to put a cold pack on for th rest of the night. Fun times.

The remainder of the week, I have slowly been getting better, and, although there’s a twinge of pain yet, I feel about 95%.

Everyone’s been really good and nice and asked how I was doing, I am fortunate for that. Mo was really good about letting me try to heal, and for that, I’m really blessed. And, honestly, Ive had quite a few laughs at the expense of it. I mean, it is kind of funny.  I mean, having a vasectomy allows you to talk about your junk in the office, in common discussion, an I’m amused by it. Now that the worst is over, I can say it’s not bad. The first couple of days suck, but once you get past it and the discomfort, it ain’t no thing…

I’m glad as fuck I don’t have to do it again, though. 😛